helen fisher personalidades del amor

Helen Fisher: Theory of Love and the 4 Personality Types

Do you know the importance of your personality when it comes to finding a partner? Dr. Helen Fisher (2009), in one of the last books published about why we choose some couples and not others, entitled "Why him? Why her?" ("Why him? Why her?"), defines 4 types of personalities, each of which she associates with a chemical substance in the organism, on which relationships are established:

  1. Explorer

These people conceive of love as an adventure. They are impulsive and autonomous, very curious and tend to act according to what "the moment offers them." Explorers' vocabulary is often made up of words like "adventure," "spontaneity," "journey," "new," and "fun."

Since dopamine predominates in their chemical composition , these people look for a playmate . They see life as a great adventure and want someone to accompany them on it. They are very impulsive, curious and sensation seekers.

Elevated dopamine levels also influence exploratory types to be motivated and goal-oriented, as they are related to enthusiasm, energy, focus, and assertiveness. Since explorer types are prone to getting bored easily, they need to be on the go all the time. Discovering new places, cultures, and people can help satisfy their urge for curiosity.

Explorers are often attracted to other explorers. Although it seems easy, it can be quite a challenge. When two explorers come together, sparks ignite. If they don't learn patience along the way, it's common for two explorers to collide head-on.


  1. Director

The vocabulary of directors is often made up of words like "intelligence", "debate", "geek" , "nerd", "ambition", "defiance" and "politics". Testosterone is predominant in its chemical composition , these people look for a mental partner in their lovers . Albert Einstein was a classic director, with his self-confidence and bold manner. The directors are direct, tough-minded and decisive. In addition, they value logic and for this reason, when making decisions, they are not easily swayed by emotions. Managers like competition and are pragmatic, focused, daring and highly ambitious. They can be so independent that they can seem like lone wolves because they tolerate extreme isolation. The directors have great spatial intelligence and also musical and athletic.

Directors rarely go for other directors. Instead, they go for their opposite partner, who is the negotiator. This helps to attract each other. Although the manager and the negotiator often make a good couple, problems can arise. Directors, for example, have addictive tendencies to work. For directors to have fulfilling relationships, they must learn what it means to use their hearts instead of their heads.

  1. Builder

The main value of builders is family, friends and the union of their loved ones. They are serene and sociable people , very peaceful , without taking risks.

The vocabulary of builders is usually made up of words like "family", "honesty", "morals", "values", " trust ", and "loyalty ". Since their chemical makeup is predominantly serotonin , these people are looking for a helpful lover. They are natural networkers and respect the rules and authority in society.

Builders are natural planners and like to schedule things in advance. They have an eye for detail and are linear in their way of doing things one step at a time. They are concrete thinkers, fact-oriented, and stick to tradition. They are also good managers and administrators because of their strong problem-solving skills, persistence, and reliability. George Washington was a builder because of his dutiful character and meticulous ways.

Builders are often attracted to other builders . These couples are usually the high school sweethearts you hear about who are still married sixty years later. As idealistic as it may seem, that doesn't mean builders don't have their share of hurdles to overcome in their relationships. For example, builders can be rigid in their rules, schedules, and traditions. As a result, two builders can argue over what they perceive to be the "right way" to do things. It is important that builders keep an open mind and learn the value of flexibility to help improve and evolve themselves and their relationships.

  1. Deal maker

They are expressive, empathic and idealistic . They are usually very sensitive profiles as well as imaginative and with a very open mind. They need to go deeper into feelings and have their emotional needs met.

Negotiators' vocabulary is often made up of words like "kindness," "sensitivity," " empathy ," " sweet ," "learning," "chance," and "reader." Estrogens are predominant in its chemical composition. Negotiators are known to be the group philosophers because their high estrogen level allows them to think broadly. This helps them connect a wide range of ideas, concepts, and theories with each other. This helps negotiators naturally think abstractly and gives them a vivid imagination. As a result, this makes them habitual dreamers. Negotiators are very intuitive people, often trusting their instincts because they are natural presenters.

While managers trust logic, negotiators trust their intuition. Negotiators are also tolerant of ambiguity, have great mental flexibility, are agreeable, trusting, empathetic, and emotionally expressive. They are truly altruistic and have a great ability to detect subtle nuances in reading people's faces and body language. For this reason, negotiators are natural psychologists. In addition, they are also very introspective, which makes them the wise philosophers that they are.

However, negotiators can run into problems in their relationships when they focus on casual comments and criticism. They tend to take it personally and can cause them to hold a grudge for months or even years. Negotiators are also prone to depression and can overreact when constantly feeling lost. Always in search of themselves, they can become excessively self-absorbed, self-conscious and self-critical. Gandhi was a negotiator because of his ability to think about the big picture, his eloquence, and his ability to manage people.

Based on this, what we should know is that, if a person with a "builder " base (a more conventional person, more attached to security, you feel routine is something important in your life, stability, security, etc. .) joins a person with an "adventurous" base (they need new stimuli, they are bored by routine, an unnecessary feeling of security, etc.) the contrast is very evident, and although sometimes "poles attract" there must be an understanding and a communication very highlighted.

Any association can be good as long as we know each other and are aware that the other is different from me. Each one builds the couple from a different area, and it is not worse for that. From here the important thing is to work with respect and understanding, valuing that the other is also building, but from another place. It is vital to learn to ask, even ask to be surprised, without expecting the other to be the same as me.

Do you already have your personality clear? 

Would you like to know more about love and falling in love? We leave you here the stages in falling in love according to Joan Garriga

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