Some people define themselves as polyamorous and reject any attempt at sexual exclusivity, however, this practice goes further and involves more than sexual relations, feelings and everything that a relationship implies, formally speaking.
What is polyamory?
This term is less and less surrounded by taboos. When talking about polyamory, reference is made to a simultaneous love relationship between three or more people; by mutual agreement and knowledge of all those involved, where respect and trust prevail, just like in a couple relationship, only here there are more members.
Polyamory rejects love for only one person, creating a concept of shared love. Although those involved generally have no expectations for the duration of the relationship, it is often long-lasting and stable.
Within this bond there is no place for jealousy, possessiveness and 'adventures' without commitment or for a single night, that is, temporary sex, since this type of relationship incorporates feelings, intimacy and emotions.
types of polyamory
That said, it is necessary to clarify that there are several types of polyamory, each with different characteristics.
profidelity
In this, romantic relationships are involved, that is, sexual relations are limited to members of the group only. There is fidelity between those involved and they respect each other as part of a relationship.
Hierarchical relationships
In this, primary and secondary relationships are distinguished, that is, you have a partner or main relationship and another with whom you have a minor relationship.
Polygamy
Polyamory is almost always confused with this and although they have something to do with it, they are different: polygamy allows being married to different people at the same time and generally male supremacy predominates, since it does not imply equality between the genders. Polygamy usually has a religious or cultural basis.
In polyamory, on the other hand, all parties are equal and each person can freely choose who to establish a relationship with.
Group relationship and group marriage
Here all members are associated with each other. That is, a family unit is formed and all the members of the relationship share responsibilities with the others, be it with their children or their daily obligations.
Weighted Related Relationship Networks
In this each person has relationships of different degrees of importance with different people, all agreed upon by all members.
mono-polyamorous relationships
This is perhaps the most curious of all, since it happens when one of the members is monogamous and believes in the exclusivity of a couple, however, accepts that the other has internal relationships and is polyamorous (they don't always end well).
geometric arrangements
In this one a triad or a block is presented.
as well as in geometry V, N and W, where the vertex corresponds to the individual that has two connections. When they all maintain relationships among all, it is called a triangle or triad if there are three, quadrad if there are four and so on.
clan or tribe
Here the relationships obey complex networks or hierarchies of its members, among all of them they maintain identity, common care and practices that relate them to each other.
How to differentiate polyamory from an open relationship?
Many think that it is the same thing, but no. Polyamory is different from an open relationship and that lies in the following basic differences:
- The open relationship is a commitment only between two people, which allows freedom with other couples in the sexual aspect. This does not happen in polyamory where exclusive fidelity can be given.
- Polyamory does not occur sporadically, as it could in an open relationship with swingers , for example, who exchange partners for the sole purpose of having sex.
- It should be borne in mind that sometimes polyamory is usually open, but an open relationship is generally not polyamorous since in theory it does not involve feelings.
How to practice polyamory?
If this practice sounds familiar to you and both you and your partner would like to try it, it's good to set some limits and these tips can help make the experience easier:
- Communication: Talk. Yes, definitely speaking and saying clearly what you feel and think is the best tip to achieve a healthy and successful polyamory. All members of the relationship must be in sync in terms of expectations and tastes.
- Detachment: Love freely, being aware that the other does not belong to you. If you are going to practice polyamory you must detach yourself, live the experience without beating yourself up for what the other is or is not doing.
- Honesty: Being honest in this type of relationship greatly affects your success. Do not hide feelings or situations, speak up front about what you think should be discussed and finally, if you feel that you are getting hooked on one of the members more than another, speak about it.
Polyamory Problems
If you are not prepared, this type of relationship can bring you some inconveniences, the most common problems that can arise are:
- Not believing in polyamory : If one of the people is not convinced of this type of relationship, it will not work, on the contrary, it is a free path to failure or to the suffering of one of its members who, deep down, wants exclusivity.
- Jealousy, obsessions: if you are an obsessive, possessive and jealous person, polyamory is not for you, since it is based on trust and freedom, and from the outset this type of relationship is telling you that there will be more people with whom sharing, feelings, sex and emotions. So it is better not to try it if you think that you will not be able to cope with the different situations that exclude you and that are going to be common, because it will become a headache.
- Beliefs and values: If your beliefs or values make you think that polyamory is too much for you, or if this happens with any of those involved, the relationship is going to be a problem. So, if that's the case, don't force anything, polyamory should flow freely and if you don't feel it, you don't have to, it's not for everyone! And nothing happens because it is not.
Now, is polyamory for you?
If you feel that polyamory is for you and you don't doubt it, go ahead. This is another way of loving different from the traditional one, which can also be enriching. However, if you are not convinced and you do it to please your partner, do not do it, because the result will not be positive.
The idea is that you trust and enjoy the experience, but you must be aware that the person you love is going to be with another or others and that it will not only be sexual that is involved, but also emotional and that sometimes hurts or It worries some people more.
In short, no one better than you to know if you like this type of relationship or if it suits you, if it is for you and you believe that it is possible to love more than one person at the same time, get ready to build another way of loving. Learn to separate each relationship, don't mix them up and always give your best, I'm sure that if you're transparent, you'll have a healthy relationship for a while.
